"I want to devour His words and allow myself to be satisfied."
Here is me being completely honest. The last month and a half have been some of the hardest, exhausting, and frustrating weeks of my life. Up to early November, I felt as if I was sitting pretty good with the Lord. I felt like I was on the same page with God about my life and my future. I am not one to let things disturb my peace. I typically look at chaos in the face and say, “Heck no! You are not getting the better part of me!” But these last six weeks have been different. I have been shaken; I have been lonely, and I have hurt deeply.
The human heart is incredibly complex, and one’s experience of life is difficult to articulate. We use concepts and images to help others understand. How do I depict what my experience has been? For instance, when someone experiences something that shakes them, they might say they feel like they’re drowning. I have sat with this picture. Am I drowning? Do I feel like I can’t keep my head above the water? No, right now I can’t relate to this image. I know that I’ve been in need of rescuing, but I haven’t been drowning. I have been starving.
I am constantly starving for love. I am starving for love that fills me to a capacity I have not known. Not the uncomfortable bursting capacity when we overdo it at Christmas dinner, but the capacity that leaves me so incredibly satisfied, I look for nothing else to fill me. I hunger and thirst for love so deeply that I cannot bear the ache in my heart. And again, being honest, the aching of hunger gets old. It is wearing. And most of all, I am tired of letting God’s love in only so far. I am tired of accepting Him into my life only in some moments and not in others. I often let the reality of who God is and what He has done for me wash over me or only touch my lips. I am tired of starving. I am ready to feast.
“When I found your words, I devoured them; they became my joy and the happiness of my heart, because I bore your name O Lord, God of hosts.” -Jeremiah 15:16
If I truly believe that what they Lord has provided me is enough, I want to stop seeking nourishment outside of the feast that sits in front of me. I want to devour His words and allow myself to be satisfied. Being fed isn’t a privilege; it is a right. So many of us are dying of starvation as we sit at the kitchen table. So many of us are dehydrated as we stand next to the sink. I’m done. I’m hungry. I’m ready to dig in.
As we prepare for Christmas, let us prepare for a Child who not only saves us, but satisfies us.
My name is Sarah Rae LaValla. I was born and raised in the beautiful land of Minnesota. I attended the University of St. Thomas where I studied Social Work. While studying, I was able to work with juvenile delinquents and people with special needs. After graduating, I served with NET Ministries USA in Plano, TX. I currently live in Glasgow, Scotland where I supervise the NET Ministries team here. I love babies.