New Life in the Lord
Hi, my name is Lindsey and I am a sinner. Lately my life has gotten out of control. All of the teachings, sermons, and wisdom that has been so kindly given to me has taken a back burner in my everyday life. The truth of the matter is- I’ve been having a love affair with sinning. It’s enticing, fun, and gives you worldly praise. As a Christian, I’ve fallen into the trap of listening to the voice that says “go for it” and “it won’t harm you” and just as it deceived Eve, it deceived me as well. Recently I uploaded a selfie to Facebook, and as I was scrolling through my own profile I caught myself staring at pictures of myself and thinking how pretty I looked. It went deeper than that, I was staring at it and began thinking about that person, that Christian. I was led to think about the life that I’ve been living, and I asked myself- am I a fragrant and feminine reminder of the Lord’s existence? Did I have the salt and light of the earth that I should possess? The answer was a prompt no. It was a heartbreaking realization. It was this epiphany that the Lord has been using to guide me back to Him. To remind me that even though I am in a dark tunnel, he is right beside me.
For the last several months I’ve been plagued by depression, anxiety, worry, self-loathing, and many other not so loving things. My frustration at God over feeling His absence in my life has led to a rather dry and non-existent prayer life. This sowed the seeds for the deep sin that I’ve recently found myself in. I realize that this post is not full of sunshine... but it is full of rainbows. Rainbows symbolize God’s promise to never flood the earth again because of people’s sin. I am thankful for them because surely I would not be on the Ark with Noah and all of the creatures.
I am thankful because the Lord has revealed himself to me, and has given me deep grief over my life choices so that I can humbly go towards Him and repent. The Lord has so patiently waited for me to come and start anew. Ezekiel 8:21 states “But if a wicked man turns away from all his sins which he has committed and keeps all my statutes and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die”.
One night I was attempting to pray while also attempting to fall asleep, I was venting to the Lord about my anguish and how I can’t hear Him at all, and don’t know where He’s been all this time. My first thought after that was how my current lifestyle doesn’t support hearing the Lord, and that I should remove all the things that tempt me. It was a good and immensely helpful thought. To do so I started going through all of my music and getting rid of immoral and unhelpful songs and setting up mental blocks to prevent temptation. Of course there are many other areas to work on to weed out temptation, but media consumption is a start. As James 1:15 reminds us “Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death”. So there I was giving birth to sin each and every day, that is until the Lord gave me the words and courage to move forward towards Him.
The relief and love that the Lord has been so willing to give me has washed over my heart and soul like balm. He pushed me to take that first step off the boat with my eyes on Him, and I know he won’t let me fall through the water as long as I keep my focus on him.
I highly encourage taking that first painful but courageous step towards the Lord. Be willing to welcome the Lord to where you stand at this moment, and ask Him for His help and guidance. He surely knows and is willing to give you all that you desire from Him. He has shown me this personally and it’s a great freedom.
If you've connected with anything I've shared above, perhaps you will join me in this prayer...
I am a broken and sinful person. I believe in you, but have done a poor job of showing it. Lord, I desire your love, compassion, and forgiveness. I want to seek you and seek all of the things you want for me. I surrender all that I am and all of my transgressions, sins, pride, selfishness, tears, heartache, and frustration. I pray that you would make my feet straight and my path narrow, following your laws and statutes. Lord, I pray that you would sit upon the throne of my heart. Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy, and for never abandoning me.
In Jesus name, Amen.
Lindsey Schaefer is a senior at Michigan State University. She studies Food Science and loves cooking and baking. She has been a member of University Christian Outreach at MSU for the last five years. In 2013 the Lord took her to London on a gap year with Koinonia (UCO) where she served the youth and college students of London universities. Lindsey also has a love of tea, coffee, and peonies.